Monday, March 19

20 LAME Reasons Why Jimmy Dislikes the Philippines (Part 1)

For all those who are not updated on trendy Tweets, let me give a quick run-through. There was a video uploaded to Youtube around Thursday last week. It was titled “20 Reasons Why I Dislike the Philippines.” The video featured a thirtyish American guy named Jimmy Sieczka who’s been living in Cebu City, Philippines for about three and a half years.

The video got a lot of reactions from Filipinos who are both outraged by and sympathetic to Jimmy. In fact, the video almost went viral, before it was taken down by Youtube.

But here’s a copy of the same video moved to Channelfix. See if you can still catch it:

Like I said, a lot of opinions have already been voiced out about this video – both pros and antis. There are response-videos after response-videos on Youtube. The Philippine Department of Tourism (DOT) itself issued an official stand on it.

The first time I heard it, I didn’t wanna add to all that’s already been said.

But now, well, let’s just say I don’t have anything in particular to write about on my Blog today. ;-D

So here’s my take on Jimmy’s video. A blow-by-blow account, in fact.

To all those who couldn’t and still haven’t seen the original video though, I recommend that you try watching it first, before you read what I have to say.

First off, you can really tell what Jimmy’s theme or angle would be on this video. How he was planning to attack the whole thing. Here’s a white guy walking down the streets all cocky and badass-like, wearing a shirt emblazoned with the print of a kid giving the finger. Obviously, he wants to come across as someone who doesn’t take shit from anybody.

But for someone who doesn’t want to take any shit, he sure says a lot of it. ;-)

I’ve listened to the many responses of my fellow Filipinos. First of all, I’m proud that Filipinos are very nationalistic to the core. I mean, they’d really take their time out to post a comment or make a response-video or follow the whole thing up to make a stand. Take note that I’m not yet talking about what kind of voices these are – whether they’re favorable or not to Jimmy’s video. I’m just saying that Filipinos really go out of their way to try and settle an issue that they feel strongly about.

Second, I think we can all of us mostly agree that the main reason why Jimmy “pissed off” (excuse Jimmy’s language) a considerable number of Filipinos is not so much WHAT he had said, but HOW he had said it.

That’s a very basic thing about communication. It wasn’t really the MESSAGE, it was the DELIVERY.

But of course Jimmy, apparently a teacher at some film-making school in Cebu City, knows all this already.

Indeed, that was Jimmy’s style on the video. That was something he chose with his eyes wide-open. He wanted to come across as this “bad ass,” white-but-almost-native, urban-jungle-survival expert.

In fact, in his Introduction, Jimmy starts by saying: “I have seen and experienced all the f***ing b*****it that this country has to offer.”

So, to the fair number of Filipinos who also talked about constructive criticism, wake-up calls, and Jimmy’s sound arguments, surprise, surprise, most other Filipinos would in fact agree with you.

I, for one, agree with most of the points that Jimmy had.

Plus, there’s nothing really wrong with being all bad-assy and tough on screen, if that’s indeed your chosen theme.

But you see, Jimmy, don’t ever think that only you can strut your stuff like that here in the Philippines. ;-)

Point No.1:

Jimmy: “You have a gigantic hole on the sidewalk, how do you fix it? Put a f***ing garbage can.

My answer: Good call, Jimmy. But how about this:

Jimmy, you have a gaping hole in your nation’s memory (a hundred years wide) and your basic knowledge of world history and basic sense of world geography are all just shot to h*ll, how do you fix it? Put even more f***ing garbage in your head plus a healthy dose of Uncle Sam’s superiority complex.

Did you ever peek at the pages of your history books when you were a kid, Jimmy? Oh right, even if you did, all the info there would be f***ing wrong ANYWAY.

Point No. 2:

Jimmy: “Somebody sells Cialis (Viagra) to me on the street.

My answer: You can’t blame the guy, man. He probably mistook you for some sex-starved pedo lurking on the sidewalks. There’s a reality of sex tourists everywhere in the world, man, the trick is not to be mistaken for one ;-)

Point No. 3:

Jimmy: (About street-food stalls) “As you can see, sanitation and refrigation’s thrown out the f***ing window here in the Philippines… You hungry? I’m not.

My answer: Well, all that food you were looking at, Jimmy? Those may not be up there on the sanitation charts but I’m telling you, they’re sure as h*ll a whole lot healthier than that dope sh*t peddled by your global empire of fast-food chains. At least here in my country, we don’t hide the kind of danger the customers are getting themselves into when they buy.

(You do have a choice to buy what and where in the Philippines, right, Jimmy? I hope you were aware of that when you were making the video.)

Sorry to tell you, bud, but your American sense of “sanitation and refrigeration” which you’re so keen on, that isn’t so hot either.

I guess it’s mainly because your customers won’t know they’re f***ing killing themselves till they get a fri**ing heart attack!

Point No. 4:

Jimmy: (About the Moro Islamic Liberation Front a.k.a. MILF). “Terrorists… Terrible.

My answer: We have to understand, guys, to a few Americans like Jimmy, anything that has “Moro,” “Islam” or “Allah” in it makes them jump.

He probably watched too much “24,” and thinks America, far from being a superpower threat to the rest of the world, is such a defender of justice. ;-) Let’s not all blame Jimmy.

Point No. 5:

Jimmy: “Everything in this f***ing country is under construction… it’s so f***ing annoying.” (At this point, the words of a song “bad ass… bad ass…” plays in the background)

My answer: If everything in the Philippines is under construction, well, like I said Jim, your basic knowledge of world history hasn’t even broken ground yet ;-D

For that matter, your sense of style, the whole ironic “girly-whiny-but-bad-ass” thing, you really think any chick would dig that?

If you really think so, I hate to tell you but that’s way under construction too, man ;-D

Point No. 6:

Jimmy: (About whitening products in a store) “They have an obsession with looking as white as possible. So although, naturally, their skin tone would be dark because of the warm climate and the sun 365 days a year, they go above and beyond and out of their way to buy all these…

My answer: Jimmy, please check all the manufacturers of those products that you just picked up. Don’t be misled coz they might bear the names of Philippine companies, but I bet you can all trace them back to your homeland: multi-national American corporations that have the power of a mountain of dollars behind them, plus giant Hollywood machinery and the media, to brainwash the whole world to follow your sense of beauty and fuel your economy.

But basically, you just haven’t hung out at the right dance clubs yet, Jim. Or you haven’t ever been invited into the right crowd yet.

(And you probably won’t ever be either, if you stay like that ;-)

And oh, for someone who’s gotten around the Phillipines a lot, why, you hardly got a tan, Jim. Mind explaining THAT.  

Point No. 7:

Jimmy: “A lot of traffic = filth and pollution = a hot, sticky mess.” (Here, Jimmy stops short of saying that the whole country is a “hot, sticky mess.” He shows off a layer of dust that he rubbed off of an electric-power post with his finger. He then goes off to scoff: “Disgusting.”)

My answer: You know what’s worse than traffic, filth and pollution on the streets? It’s traffic inside your brain, pollution inside your ego, and filth inside your mouth. That could really make every person within a meter radius of you back off. And in this hot weather, just stay COOL, Jimmy-boy! ;-D

(It doesn’t help the pollution in my country a bit that you’re a smoker too, Jim ;-)

Every sane man here in the country knows that if you don’t take it easy, you’ll become the human equivalent of the hot, SWEATY, and sticky mess that you’re so pissed off about, Jim.

Now, THAT’s really gross and disgusting.

Point No.8:

Jimmy: (After buying a pack of gum at a store): “Alrighty. Salamat (after walking out the store and out of earshot) “This [plastic and huge receipt] pi***s me off in so many ways. It wastes time…

My answer: But you know what p****s off people more, Jimmy? The hypocrisy of saying Salamat to someone, then the next minute criticizing her behind her back and in front of the f***ing camera!

Sure it’s a f***ing waste of time and resources (Yeah, well, I’m sorry Jim, but THAT does tend to happen when you buy just a f***ing stick of gum from a f***ing shop!)

Jimmy, re: Sari-sari store. You should’ve discovered this in your first week in the Philippines.

Point No. 9

Jimmy: “Plastic all over the Philippines. It really p****s me off.

My answer: Well, you should’ve told the cashier in the first place, Jimmy. It’s easy. You should try it one time. In fact, we Filipinos do that all the time, Jim (most especially if we ever buy just a f***ing stick of gum or a can of Coke!!).

In fact, when you think about it, Jim, those words will be a whole lot simpler and a whole lot better than a thankless, plastic “Salamat.” Saves you a whole lot of f***ing time too, bud.

In short, do your part first, Jimmy, instead of blaming the whole country. With you is where everything starts.

Point No. 10

Jimmy: “Sh***y drivers. Here in the Philippines, nobody follows the traffic laws. I see this s**t every day.

My answer: I wouldn’t count on this guy’s “statistics” if I were you. Coz in the entire video, he has an incurable penchant for sweeping generalizations. (sensationalizations?)

Point No. 11

Jimmy: “There’s nothing comfortable about 99% percent of the CRs (bathrooms) I’ve been to.

My answer: Honestly Jimmy, in your 3 and half years of living in the Philippines, your survival/ GPS instincts towards the most basic necessities suck!

Why in h**l did Steve Jobs invent the fri***ing iPhone Location Services just for you?

You don’t even know where to find a decent bathroom. What a baby! God, man! (Do you maybe need someone to hold your hand and show you where the bathrooms are? ;-D

Point No. 12

Jimmy: There’s security guards everywhere.

My answer: Yeah, well, we like to make sure no high school student smuggles his Daddy’s semi-automatic into his classroom and spray-paint his classmates red. I heard that happened in ________.

Point No. 13

Jimmy: (About the security guards) “Giggling, laughing smiling, having a great time. I’d just like to know what it is that they’re actually doing… The smily, giggly guy over there. I don’t even know if those guns work. Or if they’re real. There’s no training required.

My answer: A big part of what Jimmy is saying here, guys, is that he has something against people’s sunny disposition.

But believe me, Jim, you might think it’s easy. But if you did try to become a security guard in the Philippines, nobody would want to be frisked by you, coz of your sour, creepy demeanor ;-D

Jimmy then mentions the frequency of seeing a security guard sleeping on duty. At one point, he even stops to make a quick mental calculation, then he finally says:

In 3 and a half years (that I’ve lived here), it’s gotta be close to a thousand times.

My answer: Cr*p man!! Now, Jimmy, I know numbers aren’t your strong suit, but I just believe (against all odds) that you can do better than that ;-)

Point No. 14

Jimmy: “Pissing anywhere you like is a Filipino tradition. It’s almost like in America, you know, baseball.

My answer: One honest question, Jim: did you really go to school? Coz your analogy sucks big-time, man!!! ;-D

Jimmy: It’s like their favorite pastime. You gotta pee, you go. Just make sure you shake.

My answer: I wish somebody had caught Jimmy wet-handed. For someone who came from a first-world country with all of his first-world education, he lets a camera catch him peeing on the sidewalk. He then bashes the image of a whole country so he can get away with it! (Isn’t that just typically American!) ;-D

He also uploads it on Youtube to maybe wait and see if some Filipina chicks would get turned on by his “do-as-the-Romans-do” Third World survival expertise.

But I’m telling you, man, you ain’t never gonna get laid by any sane Filipina coz you don’t ever wash your hands ;-D

Ask the “smily” security guard for pointers, I’m sure he can help you out in that department.

Point No. 15

Jimmy: (At an earlier point in the video/ it was probably spliced) “Clearly, he [the security guard] should be doing something security-based but… he’s just watching me.”

Then, at a later point in the video, Jimmy warns about “heavy petting” and “frisking” before entering a building. Then, when all that’s over, he stands behind the guard and says aloud to the camera: “So what was he searching me for?

Like what we already witnessed when he was buying a packet of gum: The sheer, blatant hypocrisy.

And Jimmy, are you sure you’re not high or somethin'? Coz you’re like two different people saying two different things in the same f***ing video. You mo**n!!!

(to be continued…)

Part Two (click here)

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