Thursday, December 1

I'm 30 Years Old. OH NO!!!

Today I officially enter the next stage of life. I’m 30.

And the question I’m really afraid of is: “How do you feel?

Well, it’s kinda difficult to describe my feelings because they’re mixed. I feel envy, relief, excitement and responsibility all at the same time.

Let me explain.

First, envy.

I envy the young. They still have all the time in the world - to party hard, to get drunk over and over then vomit in the taxi or on the street; to fall in love, to break their hearts; to hold on or to let go; to make bad decisions then fix them up; to meet different kinds of people, to discover great restaurants and hang-outs, to move to new ones; to have bad experiences and good memories; to see both beauty and ugliness; to be curious, to dream, to be disappointed, to be amazed etc.

And people around them expect the young to do all these.

Second, I feel relief.

I feel relief because, you have to admit, people don’t really take you seriously until you’re at least 30. It’s like there’s a secret community, a secret society of grown-ups, that exists and welcomes you to the group only when you’re of the right age.

Whatever idea that you have and whatever love that you feel, you really have to fight hard for it and prove it before they start seeing you for who you are. But if you’re already 30, people tend to believe you more easily.

It’s like there’s a road waiting to be traveled. An undescribed border that you have to cross. And if you’re younger than 30, people always think of that road you have to take first, whether you’ve actually already been there or not.

Also, around this age, a person usually (not always) has a more solid idea of his place in the world, what he wants to create out of his life. 

In short, his purpose.

If youth is the wild, stormy sea of finding the ship’s bearing, the 30s is smoother and steadier.

Third, excitement.

There’s a whole new chapter waiting for me. And like with all the other chapters, there’s no way for me to know it except to actually turn the pages.

I’m looking forward to learning more. It’s the same process of learning but each stage is different. Each stage has its own flavor, its own good side and bad side. And I’m excited to face all those. It’s something I don’t wanna skip or miss.

I wanna weather every storm, understand every fall and scar; hear every story, learn from every new person, survive every new adventure…

Fourth and last, I feel responsibility.

People around me will expect more of me from now on. About the way I act, the way I think, what I say and how I live my life.  Of course I’m still allowed to make mistakes, but they can’t be mistakes like those when I was young. There’ll be more stuff on my shoulder, and I have to weigh my decisions more carefully than before.

In summary, I’m both glad and lonely on this day. I’m both nostalgic and forward-looking. I’m both afraid and sure. And I’m both naive and street-smart.

Hope you gained something.


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